This painting came about while I was struggling to feel adequate. I wanted to be a better person to be closer to my parents in heaven. My inadequacies were acutely painful and paralyzing. I often felt that I was drifting further from heaven, tossed in the sea of my own ineptitude. I set out to make a painting to process this experience. This painting was my prayer to realize a closer relationship with Heavenly Parents and to become more like them. Over time, I felt closer to them and the sharpness of the pain dulled. This relief found its way into the facial expression of the subject. Originally the painting was about the struggle and pain of this experience but I decided to keep a more peaceful face. It mirrored my experience of gaining calm and quiet in the process of drawing closer to Heavenly Mother and Father. Though I still feel inadequate some days, a closer relationship with my Heavenly Parents has taken immobilizing self-doubt and turned it into a more productive and healthy discipleship.
Reproduced from the artist's original artwork of Oil on Board 24 x 52. Painted 2021.
